Two women who recently died were waiting at the Gates of Heaven

Woman 1: “So, how did you die?” Woman 2: “I froze to death.” Woman 1: “Wow, that must’ve been so painful. I’m so sorry.” Woman 2: “It was, but after…

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An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick…

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3 men were waiting in line to enter heaven

The angel at the gate asks the first man “how many times did you cheat on your wife?” “10 times” the man answers. The angel gives him the keys to…

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The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted by a child’s whisper, “Hello.” “Is your Mummy home?” he asked. “Yes,”…

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A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They…

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A bouncer is working on a Saturday night at a popular nightclub for household utensils…

… One of the regulars, a mirror, comes outside for a smoke and greets him. As they make small talk, a toilet approaches flaunting a pristine gold plated lid. The…

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The woman says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do.

Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me.” The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband…

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A dwarf with a lisp goes to visit a stud farm.

“I’d like to buy a horth” He says to the owner of the farm. “What sort of horse?” Said the owner. “A female horth” The dwarf replies. So the owner…

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Two physicians boarded a flight out of Seattle.

One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an attorney got on and took the aisle seat next to the two physicians….

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An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, “Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.”

The doctor paused and said, “There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot. But one day he was in a hurry, and took his…

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