{"id":2938,"date":"2021-07-29T08:35:57","date_gmt":"2021-07-29T08:35:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/?p=2938"},"modified":"2021-07-29T08:50:15","modified_gmt":"2021-07-29T08:50:15","slug":"ireland-declares-war-on-france","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/ireland-declares-war-on-france\/","title":{"rendered":"Ireland Declares War on France"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Hallo!&#8221; a heavily accented voice said. &#8220;This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Well, Paddy,&#8221; the President of France replied, &#8220;This is indeed important news! How big is your army?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Right now,&#8221; says Paddy, after a moment&#8217;s calculation, &#8220;there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The President paused. &#8220;I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Begorra!&#8221; says Paddy. &#8220;I&#8217;ll have to ring you back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <div style=\"margin-top:50px; margin-bottom:5px; text-align:center; color:#c1bdbd;\">ADVERTISEMENT<\/div>\r\n<script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- Jokes -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6695910881285465\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"9339555086\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/br><\/br><\/br>\n\n\n\n<p>Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. &#8220;Mr. President, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;And what equipment would that be, Paddy?&#8221; The President asks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy&#8217;s tractor.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The French President sighs amused. &#8220;I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Saints preserve us!&#8221; says Paddy. &#8220;I&#8217;ll have to get back to you.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. &#8220;Mr. President, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin&#8217;s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n <div style=\"margin-top:50px; margin-bottom:5px; text-align:center; color:#c1bdbd;\">ADVERTISEMENT<\/div>\r\n<script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js\"><\/script>\r\n<!-- Jokes -->\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-6695910881285465\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"9339555086\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"auto\"\r\n     data-full-width-responsive=\"true\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script>\r\n<\/br><\/br><\/br>\n\n\n\n<p>The French President was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. &#8220;I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!&#8221; says Paddy, &#8220;I will have to ring you back.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. &#8220;Top o&#8217; the mornin&#8217; to ya Mr. President. I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Really? I am sorry to hear that,&#8221; says the French President. &#8220;Why the sudden change of heart?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Well,&#8221; says Paddy, &#8220;we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and decided there is no fookin&#8217; way we can feed 200,000 French prisoners!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"683\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/JokePin-41-683x1024.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2945\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/JokePin-41-683x1024.png 683w, https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/JokePin-41-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/JokePin-41-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/JokePin-41.png 1000w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px\" \/><\/figure>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. &#8220;Hallo!&#8221; a heavily accented voice said. &#8220;This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland&#8230;. <!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2945,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[3,45,41,34,15],"class_list":["post-2938","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jokes","tag-funny-story-around-the-world","tag-haha","tag-hilarious","tag-jokes","tag-lol"],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2938","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2938"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2938\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2946,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2938\/revisions\/2946"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2945"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2938"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2938"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2938"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}