{"id":2843,"date":"2021-05-01T12:25:43","date_gmt":"2021-05-01T12:25:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/?p=2843"},"modified":"2021-05-01T12:33:35","modified_gmt":"2021-05-01T12:33:35","slug":"if-you-like-lawyer-jokes-here-are-some-of-the-best-recorded-interactions-that-have-happened-in-actual-courts-or-trials","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/if-you-like-lawyer-jokes-here-are-some-of-the-best-recorded-interactions-that-have-happened-in-actual-courts-or-trials\/","title":{"rendered":"If you like lawyer jokes, here are some of the best recorded interactions that have happened in actual courts or trials"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: He said, &#8216;Where am I, Cathy?&#8217;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: My name is Susan!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: No, I just lie there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: July 18th.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: What year?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Every year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can&#8217;t remember which.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Forty-five years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: I forget..<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn&#8217;t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn&#8217;t know about it until the next morning?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: He&#8217;s 20, much like your IQ.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Are you shitting me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Getting laid<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: How many were boys?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: None.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: By death..<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Take a guess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I&#8217;m going with male.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Oral&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: No..<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: No.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"683\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/JokePin-18-683x1024.png\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-2849\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/JokePin-18-683x1024.png 683w, https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/JokePin-18-200x300.png 200w, https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/JokePin-18-768x1152.png 768w, https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/JokePin-18.png 1000w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 683px) 100vw, 683px\" \/><\/figure>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, &#8216;Where am I, Cathy?&#8217; ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name&#8230; <!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2849,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32],"tags":[3,45,34,15],"class_list":["post-2843","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-jokes","tag-funny-story-around-the-world","tag-haha","tag-jokes","tag-lol"],"amp_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2843","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2843"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2843\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2850,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2843\/revisions\/2850"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2849"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2843"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2843"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.getfunwith.com\/story\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2843"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}