I'm starting to think he lied on his résumé about being a guard dog.

I'm starting to think he lied on his résumé about being a guard dog.

Saw this note on my neighbors door this morning

Saw this note on my neighbors door this morning

A hero!

A hero!

Sound recognition during sexy time, I’m embarrassed

Sound recognition during sexy time, I’m embarrassed

What would you name him?

What would you name him?

This is not fake. He really has that haircut.

This is not fake. He really has that haircut.

Uber eats needed proof he didn’t get his food

Uber eats needed proof he didn’t get his food

London, UK

London, UK

Granny's rules for the Lyft

Granny's rules for the Lyft

Local Indian place casually roasting my choice of dinner

Local Indian place casually roasting my choice of dinner

This has been living in my mind for over 2 years now

This has been living in my mind for over 2 years now

My brother shaved today

My brother shaved today

Please don't.

Please don't.

Greatest Halloween decorations ever...

Greatest Halloween decorations ever...

New policy at the local hardware store

New policy at the local hardware store

This guy looks like he's wearing a Taylor Swift t-shirt

This guy looks like he's wearing a Taylor Swift t-shirt

Someone forgot to check their wife's texts

Someone forgot to check their wife's texts

My son is not a fan of showing his work...

My son is not a fan of showing his work...

Off-brand 7-Eleven picks the worst name possible

Off-brand 7-Eleven picks the worst name possible

This deli has some interesting recent “reviews”

This deli has some interesting recent “reviews”

I tried to explain it to the kid working the till, but I don’t think it took.

I tried to explain it to the kid working the till, but I don’t think it took.